Saddam Can Still Cut It!

Last Updated on May 1, 2019

Iraqi ex-dictator Saddam Hussein al-Tikriti was recently spotted at a döner kebap restaurant in Istanbulcarving a succulent-looking tavuk (chicken) döner for eager customers.

“I like it here!” said the former brutal dictator. “There’s lots to see and do, and Turkish cuisine is superb.”

“I don’t mind working,” he added. “Heck, keeping up all my palaces, smiling through all those boring military cabinet meetings, sitting for hours while artists, photographers and sculptors captured my masculine essence, and riding herd on Uday and Qusay—those little rascals!—was an awful lot harder.”

A hungry customer approached and Saddam interrupted his wistful reminiscence to ask “Would you like that on a plate garni, as a sandwich, or rolled up in flat pide bread à la dürüm?”

“Besides,” Saddam continued, “here I’m a celebrity. Lots of people come to the restaurant just to see ‘The Butcher of Baghdad making an honest living at his craft.”

“Of course a lot of people are turned off at the sight of me, but I just tell them I’m one of Saddam’s body-doubles.”

“Y’all come back real soon now,” he concluded. “This nefis döner is going fast.”

Next: A Sign for the Birds

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